Letter to somebody that I used to know

We all know how this goes by now.

I won’t mention your name.

I won’t send you a link to this post on WhatsApp

…But one day you will find yourself reading this post. I don’t know how yet, but I believe you will. I have no expectations as to how you will react, but I can guess. It will start with a raised, inquisitive brow accompanied by an unimpressed humour. Then, the corner of your lip will start to curl up ever so slightly as you read on. It might turn into a grin and then, that smile. We all know the one. That infectious smile, the one that extends from ear-to-ear and lights up rooms. I can’t promise that the smile will stay, but I hope when you read this part, you are wearing that smile. Whenever you happen to read this, as I believe you will… you will know it’s for you.

Now beware, I am prone to romanticising my life. I seriously see myself as the main character of YA series. This letter is divided into three parts with three songs to accompany each segment. It’s important that you focus on the quotes from the song and their placement in each part of this letter, not the songs in their entirety. Can you handle that? Are you still reading?… Ok, let’s go.

part one

First of all, I want you to know that I was never mad, just hurt. Hurt but happy. We had a beginning, a wonderful and sometimes confusing middle then an abrupt ending. I made that choice because I needed time and space to detach. I have learnt a lot about connections versus attachments. I think we had both but I definitely verged closer to the attachment side in the later parts of our story. I also hated the last few times we saw each other in person lol. Those moments really skewed my memory and perception of us in the worst way. I apologise for that. It was not fair to you. From the start I had chosen myself, my future and so had you. However, I did mean it when I said I’ll always care, and I enjoyed what it was in the moment – that’s the connection part. It was easier for me to push you away then try and move forward with you hanging like a string by my side.

 if I have to choose, My heart or you, I’m gonna lose

H.E.R – Hard place https://open.spotify.com/track/47OqtEbWGkG6eDNGUNCYYB

part two

I have no regrets by the way. This letter is not about that. You said to me that I healed you, or helped you heal. Well, you taught me. You taught me so much about myself and the power of the mind. I appreciate you for that. The growth I have seen in myself is astounding and I owe it in part to you. Master 11, you helped me to help others too. I told you we weren’t ‘cool’, that was my excuse. Really, it was my bruised ego, my pride needed time to get over itself. There’s nothing for you to forgive but I hope we are ‘cool’ now. For real.

Put your feelings to the side lil’ baby

You got too much pride lil’ baby

I ain’t have time yesterday

But today I got time lil’ baby

Trippie Redd – It takes time https://open.spotify.com/track/7022xokeCJFSeZxw2npVkn

part three

Now that we have cleared that up, how are YOU? How is your mum, your girl? I hope everyone is in good health and spirits! Were you able to go to Brazil? Have you travelled at all since the pandemic hit? How is work? I hope that all the lemons 2020 may have given you, you turned them into the most delicious lemonade.

I think it has been a year since we last spoke. We stopped between my trip to Mexico and my trip to New York… Mad. I have no doubts that wherever you are now, you are doing well and surrounded by love. I’m bendy now!… Or at least I’m getting there. I hope you are proud hahaha. I keep waiting for the day you pop up on my TV or laptop screen.. I half expected you to show up in Bridgerton – season two is all yours, I claim it for you haha! Seriously though, don’t let my prayers be in vain – you better be living that fulfilling and rich life.

Every now and then, a small part of me wonders if I run across your mind. I think so highly of myself that I don’t want to imagine Kirsty as a blip or smudge in your story. I hope everything you ever said was true and I am part of a memorable chapter. In film terms, I hope I am in your origin story rather than the first release. I hope that I am the second-to last puzzle piece to a complete person puzzle. Maybe. I hope. Anyway, don’t be a stranger anymore. Who am I gonna see when I’m in your city, come on! Let’s keep to our words. Oh and before I forget, if you still have it, please rip up that birthday card I sent you. I should never try to write poetry ever again and please tell me you laughed/cringed and didn’t take it seriously?!

Success and happiness to you always, love.

But never will I ever not wish you well

Though we’re not together, God bless you still

Jhené Aiko – Pray for you https://open.spotify.com/track/3JHQY6VnwmUMuYb0XI2O7Y

I wrote that last paragraph with the biggest smile on my face, laughing at every revision. I am so dramatic lol.

3 fitting words for this post; connections, attachments, friends

featured image by @m_d_n_f_ on instagram.

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